A new budget...

Conservator: A legal term that is used to describe an individual who is appointed by the court to manage the financial assets and affairs of and individuals that is under some kind of a legal disability.

My husband is considered 100% disabled by all forms of the US Government. He receives SSDI and a pension from the Navy because of it. As a result of this disability, he has a conservator. When we began dating and got married I saw no reason to try and change who this person was b/c he had been "with" her for years and was comfortable with her. So we kept her.

Over time tho she has changed. She's become hostile and just plain rude. She's no longer doing her job effectively so at this point, my DH has decided she needs to be replaced.

Since he has never seen me manage money for real (come on, 75.00/week isn't really managing money), pay bills, etc. He's reluctant to trust me. That's fine, I have no real issue with that, but he would like me as his conservator. It just makes sense to me now.

There is the problem that he doesn't fully trust me and there is the problem that I don't know how he will handle me telling him "no, you can't buy that b/c I won't give you the money for it," or "No, you can't know how much money is in the bank right now," and I'm sure you get my point.

So what to do?

Why an experiment of course!

From now till February, I have control of 100% of the cash that comes into this house. That means all of his money from the side jobs he does to keep busy, my money and our "weekly living allowance" as well. Until now he has been managing it himself and we are drowning. Yes, all of our bills are paid, but there is no money to actually live on the way it is right now.

So we are doing an experiment. Partly to show him that I'm fully capable of making a budget (done) and sticking to it and partly to find out if he can handle me handling the money. He's mentally ill, so we aren't sure how he will handle it being ME that tells him no when he really wants something.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work and we'll know that before we make it legal.

We don't have much coming out, but as I figured it, we have roughly 160.00 in cash coming into the house each week. (note again: this does not include the money for the household bills, etc, this is just our living money.) We should have at least 30.00 a week left over, but for some reason we don't.

I've figured it out and I'm on it! LOL

As it stands it's my goal to save at least 100.00 in that 9 weeks. I'm adding a ticker to the top of the page to help track our progress. Please keep us in your prayers!

Back online

Well...

The last 2 weeks have been kinda hectic around our house.

First off, my pc crashed. Yup. Dead. So, it took us 2 weeks and paying more than its worth to get one from Rent A Center today. Normally I wouldn't do rent to own, but since I need one desperately to work, we had no other choice.

Secondly...apparentally my husbands vasectomy has reversed itself. I suffered a miscarriage this past week. No, I have not been with anyone else and I am getting really sick of that question. The good thing is that my husband knows this. Please keep us in prayer, we didn't realize how badly we wanted another child until we lost one.

Because of the miscarriage, the love dare got put off...I will be restarting it tomorrow so wish me luck, we all know how much trouble I had with day 1 the first time around.

Also, I get to go see my mom! We will be heading to Ohio the week of the 22nd! Yay! I also get to see my best friend since Kindergarten for the first time in over 10 years!! YAY again!

Love Dare-Day 2-FAIL!

So I failed day 2.

I blew up today. I got so sick of no one picking up after themselves, leaving the house wrecked and all that I blew my stack. I did do well in that I didn't spew nastiness and I kept my voice down to a dull roar, but I was very negative.

I did manage to do the one thing out of kindness tho. I stumbled across a recipe for Egg Bread and it turns out that it is the same recipe that my DH's grandma used. When I first made it, he took one bite and said, "Grandma?"

So this morning, right before he went to work on the paper routes (DH is disabled veteran who does a paper route for a boredom cure), I popped a loaf into the bread machine. It was ready when he got back since I did a rapid cycle loaf. Nice and warm for him to enjoy.

So I will be re-doing Day 2 again tomorrow. Seems the hardest thing for me has been to control my negative thoughts and words.

I am not giving up tho. I will make it thru this.

In other news...

I AM GETTING A DISHWASHER! *WHOO HOO*

I will be buying it tomorrow. I am still unsure as to which one I am getting so I will let you all know how it ends up.

It will be a portable since we are renting our home and can't install one, but I am so excited! Dishes are the bane of my existence!

Hope you are all having a great week! Please keep me in your prayers!

Love Dare-Day 2

I DID IT!

YAY!

I made it thru the whole day today without saying ONE negative thing to him. I did say a couple things under my breath to myself, but it wasn't said to him and I was in a different room so he didn't hear me.

So I am moving onto Day 2. I knwo that I still said the two things under my breath, but I feel like that is something that will fix itself as time goes on.

So here is Day 2...

"In Addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, (OY VEY) Do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness." (Excerpt from the Love Dare)

So, here we go...

Today's Scripture is Eph 4:32 " Be ye kind to one another, tender-hearted and forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

The Love Dare Update

Okay, for real...am I really that bad? I am supposed to be on day 3, but I can't get thru day one! 3 days I have been trying to do the day one challenge...get thru one day w/out saying anything negative and 3 days I have failed.

Oh you all, please pray for me that I will be able to get it. I am not giving up on this. Last night we got into a fight and it was right out of the Fireproof movie. I want my marriage to be better. I want the marriage that God intended us to have.

Fireproof?

I am sitting here now trying to keep the tears from falling. I just finished watching the movie "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron in it. All I can say is wow.

Until this movie, I would have said that my marriage was a good marriage, but within the first 10 minutes of the movie I had recognized my husband and myself on the screen in front of me. More so...I recognized myself on the screen in front of me.

As the movie progressed I found myself drawn in wondering if it would indeed work and once the main character found Christ, I found myself longing for what once was. I am not now a Godly person. I won't lie. I haven't been to church but a handful of times since I left my father's home. I smoke like a freight train, I occasionally have a drink. I am very quick to anger...and when I am angry, I spew violent, cruel things from my mouth that burn the other person the same as acid.

I used to be "Godly." I used to walk closely with him. I used to know him.

I have forgotten him.

I have turned away from him.

I want the peace that I once felt. The comfort in knowing that it all was in His hands. The feeling of love knowing that someone other than me cared. I miss that.

So I am asking you all to pray for me. Pray hard for me..lol. I am a stubborn one and He will have to work extra hard on my heart. He already is.


Back to the original topic.

After seeing this movie, I realize that I need to not only find the Lord again, but I also need to be a better wife. After all, isn't that why I started this blog in the first place?

So...I will be buying the book "The Love Dare," and doing the dares in it. I want my marriage to be better. I want my life to be better.

So pray for me and wish me luck with "The Dare."

:)

Menu Plan for the week of June 5 to June 12 and some updates.

A few updates first...my bipolar disorder recently went to a place that I don't like to be. I am considered to be full blown manic right now. I managed to get an emergency appointment at the doc's on Tuesday and they changed all of my meds. Basically if I am manic and on meds, then said meds were not doing what they were supposed to.

I could use ya'll's prayers.

Damon has decided that it is time for us to go back to church. I would have been going myself, but to be honest, my mental health issues make me paranoid of new people and new places so I cling tight to Damon whenever I am in a new situation.

Please keep us in your prayers that we will be able to find a church home that works for both of us. We are both Baptist, but our views on things differ somewhat and it can make it hard to find a church.

Okay, now to the menu...Some of these are just repeats from last week. When my mind took its little walk, things were kinda messed up so Damon and the monkey child (4 y.o) kinda just grabbed and growled.

Meal #1-Meatloaf, Mashed taters, Mixed Veggies

Meal #2- Garlic Cheddar Chicken (this will be a first for us..will let you know how it turns out), broccoli casserole,

Meal #3- BAS (breakfast at supper) Sausage gravy and biscuits (I only use the gravy recipe posted here, not the biscuits...also, I use regular sausage instead of maple...turns out great!)

Meal # 4- Spaghetti, garlic bread, lettuce wedge with dressing

Meal #5- Hamburgers, french fries, homemade Mac and Cheese (this mac and cheese recipe is awesome!

Meal #6 Lasagna, garlic bread and salad

Meal # 7 Chicken fried steak (also a new recipe for us), fried taters and green beans

Wow, we are trying a lot of new recipes this week! I will let you know how they go.

Do you like to menu plan? Need ideas for getting started? Check out Menu Planning Monday at orgjunkie.com!

"When will you remember me?"

I was raised in church my entire life. I am the daughter of a Baptist preacher. I once walked with God closely.

Somewhere along the road I lost my way. I couldn't tell you when or where, but it happened. I am finding my way back now.

I haven't prayed in a LOOOONG time. For a while there I pretty much forgot that God existed except for the hard times. I remind myself of the Children of Israel in the Bible who only prayed when they needed help.

This was one of those times.

I want another baby. I can't have one as my husband had a vasectomy 12 years ago (with his first wife). I know that the only way I am going to have another child is by the Grace of God.

So I turned to my old ways. I prayed.

And I prayed...

And I prayed.

Then one day, my 4 year old decided that she wanted me to read the Bible to her. So I did it...at the time I wasn't real happy about it, but I did it.

I let her pick where we were going to read. She picked the Bible up and just opened it, pointed and said "here." Lol.

She had opened it to the story of Hannah praying that God would give her a baby.

I'm not ignorant...lol, I learned a long time ago that the Holy Spirit will speak to us when we least expect it. I read her the story...and I paid attention.

So from then on out, I prayed Hannah's prayer..."remember me Lord..."

After about a week of praying this...and I mean pretty much non stop praying this, I repeated the words "remember me Lord" and I promise you..it was pretty much instant, the Holy Spirit spoke to me with "When will you remember Me?"

I had forgotten Him and of course, he knew that. So I have slowly started to find my way back. Not because I think I will get a baby out of it (I may never get that baby), but because I've realized I was so much more happier when I walked with Him. I crave that relationship that I used to have, that closeness I once had with the Lord...the trust and faith I had.

I'd like to ask you all to pray for me. I need all the help I can get.

And to ask...

Did you remember him today?

31 days of Prayer for My husband

So I am browsing blogs tonight and I come across a really great one.

Diary of a Stay At Home Mom

Anyhow, she has started doing the 31 days of prayer for her husband and has invited all to join her.

Well, with yesterday being my husband's and mine's first wedding anniversary, I thought what better way to start out a new year in our marriage. So I am going to participate.

I invite you to also.

Just click on the link above to go to her blog where she will list the prayers, etc everyday. She also has a Mr. Linky so we can all know who is participating, but you don't have to fill it out if you don't want to. :)

A big request

I need a huge favor.

My husband is in need of prayer in a big, big way. Here's why...he is mentally ill. He has severe bipolar disorder to the point where the US Navy has declared him as 100% totally and permenently disabled as well as Social Security. He has dealt with this for years.

For the most part, most of the time, he is okay. But along with the BP he has Seasonal Affective Disorder (known as SAD from now on). His sad is triggered by the weather and the fact that he had 2 very traumatic events happen around Christmas back in 2002.

Basically this is what happens...he gets depressed and from there it snowballs. It starts out as SAD, but eventually his BP takes over. This is where the problems start. He becomes lethargic and unresponsive. His thought processes are interuppted and even doing the smallest tasks, like getting dressed or remembering to bathe become an ordeal for him. As a direct result of that, he gets easily frustrated and angry, both on the inside and on the outside. He becomes beligerent, and frankly an all around butthead. (Lol, and he admits that. )

This year has/is especially bad for him. He is on medication (Lamictal and Zoloft) but they seem to not be controlling it this year for some reason. My personal belief is that it has to do with a 2 week trip we took from Iowa to Arkansas to California then back to Iowa. I think the stress of that has just turned his brain to mush.

I am begging you all to send up a quick prayer for him. His faith waivers when he is like this so I doubt he will do it himself. It would be much appreciated.

2 songs that remind of us the prices paid